Marriage and Sexual Intimacy

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Go ahead and take your Bibles with me and turn to the book of Song of Solomon, chapter 7. We’ll turn our attention there in just a moment. 

We are back today in our series “Marriage and Our Maker.” And as our series is winding down, we are looking at the areas where marriages really struggle. My goal throughout this series has been not only to give you the theological wherewithal to strengthen your marriage but also to deal practically and biblically with the difficult areas where marriages typically have problems. And those five areas include:

1) Communication and the inability to resolve conflict

2) Finances

3) In-Laws

4) Raising children [we’ll deal with that topic next week] 

5) Sexual intimacy

In his book Better Love Now! Making Your Marriage a Lifelong Love Affair, Tommy Nelson tells the fictional story of a man who went down to a city by the river to enjoy a little vacation time. This guy’s never been to this city before. And he’s never been to this river before. And when he gets to this city he goes down to a café on the beach. And as he was enjoying himself and having a nice lunch all of a sudden, a huge crocodile comes out of the water and grabs one of the café patrons and drags him underwater. Well he jumps up and runs to rescue this person. And when he gets there, he realizes that a huge chunk of that person’s leg was ripped off. And he yells to everyone in the café, “Did you see that?” But there’s silence. Nobody says anything. And as this man looks around, he starts to notice that everyone in that café has pieces of their body ripped off with bite-marks that look like crocodile bites. But this guy can’t get anyone to talk about it. And eventually one of the patrons comes up to him and says, “I’m sorry sir, it’s embarrassing in our culture to talk about crocodiles.” 

Well church, we’re going to talk about crocodiles! We’re going to talk about sex. Every single one of us here has experienced or knows someone who has experienced a loss of a part of themselves through a misappropriation of sex. Some of you have been hurt deeply by an errant perspective of sexuality. And quite honestly, it’s destroying our culture. In some cases, it’s wrecking the church. And we need to talk about it.

Now I’ll be honest, this is not my favorite topic to lecture on. I’d rather talk to you about the nine major categories of systematic theology. But today, since we are talking about marriage in our series, we’ve got to address this topic. And one of the things that’s driving me to talk about it despite the awkwardness of the topic and my own reservations is the reality that erroneous views on sex are dominating our culture. The Howard Sterns of this world will talk about sex. The musical artists of this world will talk about sex and will show us a perverted view of human sexuality. The media will give its take on sex as will Hollywood.

Does the Bible have anything to say about sexuality? Does God have something to communicate to us about this subject? He does. I’m convinced more than ever that we need to communicate these truths as God has revealed them for the sake of marriages in the church. And I want to do something for you today that my pastor did for me more than thirty years ago—and that’s discuss the topic of sexual intimacy biblically. 

And I’m not going to be crude or crass with my discussion today, I don’t think that’s how you combat what’s going on in our culture right now. But I am going to be frank, and I’m going to stick pretty close to my notes. 

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Here’s what I want to do today. I want to give you... 

Five Biblical Principles on Sexual Intimacy. 

We’re talking about sex in general in this message, but I want to concentrate on the intersection of marriage and sexuality. In other words I want to explore how God’s ideal for sex as an act of marriage gives health to a marriage, and also how false views of sexuality and bad practice deplete health in a marriage. 

And what I want to do is give you these five principles right off the bat. We’ll go through them as broad-sweeping biblical principles. But then I want to show you how all of those principles are exemplified in Song of Solomon Chapter 7. So I’ll give you the five principles first and then we’ll see those principles in action in one particular passage of Scripture. 

So here we go. Here’s the first principle:

1. Sexual intimacy is a divine gift (Gen 1:26–28; 2:4; 1 Cor 7:6–7)

Sex was not created in Hollywood. Sex was not created in America or England or France. Sex was not created by Canaanites or Hittites or Babylonians or even Israelites for that matter. Sex did not originate with the Kama Sutra or with the Egyptian Priestly Class or even with Solomon and his book of the Bible that was written roughly 3000 years ago. Sex was created by God. It was his gift to humanity. 

And like all gifts that God gives, it was given for us to enjoy with this stipulation—it has to be used in the way God created it to be used. To pervert it is to destroy the goodness of the gift. What happens with sex, because it’s such a powerful part of the human experience, is that when it’s not used properly it’s deified. It becomes consuming. It becomes an idol. And that’s the case in our country today. We idolize sex. We are obsessed with it. 

Now what’s the answer to that? How does the church respond to that? Well too often the church has responded by demonizing God’s good gift and that’s not a solution. We don’t idolize sex. Neither do we demonize it. We identify it as a good gift that God has given to us and then we utilize in the way that God intended. 

And one of the ways that God intended it to be used was for making babies. There’s no dispute about that. In Genesis 1, the Bible says: 

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, 

What’s the first command that God gave to his creatures? I could go on and on about what he didn’t tell them to do… But his first command was this… 

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

How do you multiply? You reproduce. How do you reproduce? You have sex. You procreate. Some of you might know this, but some of the early church fathers believed that the original sin committed in Genesis 3 was sex. I don’t agree with that view. Not only does that allegorize the fruit that was taken from the Tree of knowledge and good and evil, but it ignores God’s command in Genesis 1 to “be fruitful and multiply.” Sexual intimacy was a pre-fall creation. Procreation was a pre-fall command from God.

And it’s not just Genesis 1, it’s also Genesis 2. Genesis 2:24 says, 

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Now we’ve talked about the broader metaphorical inferences of that passage, how that one flesh union is emotional and psychological and spiritual and even financial. But let’s not forget that at its most basic level that passage is literal and physical. Two fleshes become one flesh through the beauty and mystery of the sexual act. 

Paul says: 

1 Corinthians 6:16 – Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh.”

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So sexual intimacy is a divine thing. God created it. Like the skeletal system, the cardio-vascular system, and the respiratory system, God has created the reproductive system. It’s a divine gift. And secondly, sexual intimacy is a good gift.

2. Sexual intimacy is a good gift (Prov 5:15–20; Prov 30:18–19)

It’s a good gift from God. The Bible says, “God has given us all good things richly to enjoy” and sex is one of those good things. Those who demonize sex or try to denounce it as carnal and worldly insult the giver of that good gift. Just imagine what your spouse would feel if they brought you a costly gift, something that they researched and purchased with their hard-earned money: a dinner out or a bottle of perfume for a woman or tickets to watch your favorite team play. And instead of being thankful for that gift, you snubbed your nose at them and said, “I don’t want that foul, carnal pleasure.” Would that be just a little bit self-righteous and ungrateful? And that’s how God feels about those who try to morally denounce his good gift of sex.

I heard once about a man and woman who had a number of kids and yet this couple had never seen each other naked. And their counselor was like, “Well how did you… you know… conceive?” And they said they would just turn out the lights and grope around in the dark. Do the unholy act and then have kids. Is that a healthy perspective on sexuality? No! Do you know where they learned that about sex? The church. 

Now do we need to denounce the improper use of sexuality? Absolutely! The NT denounces improper sex at least thirteen times. We’ll get to that in a moment. But you don’t counter sin with asceticism or with a Gnosticism that would view all things in the material world as intrinsically evil. You counter sin with holiness and with joy in the good gifts that God has given. Sex is a good thing. It’s a wonderful gift from God. 

 The Bible says:

Proverbs 30:18–19 – Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a virgin.

That’s Agur speaking in the book of Proverbs. And Agur says, “Sex is such a wonderful thing. It’s so wonderful, I don’t even completely understand it.” 

Solomon says also in Proverbs.

Proverbs 5:15–19 – 

15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 

16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 

17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 

18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 

19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

“That’s in the Bible, Pastor Tony?” Yes, that’s in the Bible. That’s a command. “Drink water from your own cistern.” “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” That doesn’t mean enjoy her only when you’re young. That means enjoy the wife that you married when you were young even when you get old. She’s your one and only. She’s the one that you’ve grown old with. She’s the one that knows you and still loves and still hopefully wants to make love with you. “Be intoxicated always in her love.” And only in her love.

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Which leads me to my third point:

3. Sexual intimacy is intended for pleasure (Song 1:1–17; 4:16–5:1; 7:1–8:4)

John Piper writes, “God did not make this massive capacity for pleasure merely to make sure there would be a new generation… God could have arranged it so that we get no pleasure in it, but get nauseated if we don’t have sex twice a week. That would have worked too. There is more to this pleasure than procreation.” 

Now there is a segment of the Christian population that still views “sex” as a necessary evil, or (this is a little more accurate) they view sex as nothing more than God’s means for procreation. This isn’t just in Christian circles. They used to tell young brides on their wedding night in England, just lie back and think of England. Endure it for the empire. 

Now here’s my problem with that? If God only meant sex for procreation, not pleasure, then why is Song of Solomon in the Bible? Some people say it’s allegorical for Christ and the Church. I’m sorry! But That doesn’t work. Even as a teenager, when I first read the Song of Solomon, I knew that that didn’t work. 

Song of Solomon 7:6-9 – How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. 

Does that sound like Christ and the church? I’m sorry. That doesn’t work. And people who try to force passages like that into a Christ-Church allegorizing end up distorting what I believe to be the original intent of the book. 

Now, is there a sense in which marriage typifies Christ’s love for his church? Absolutely! Ephesians 5 makes that clear. But I don’t think we do our marriages any favors by dismissing the obviously sexual and erotic images in Song of Solomon as anything other than an intimate, delightful, pleasure-inducing depiction of marital sexual intimacy.   

God created sex for pleasure. God has given it as a good gift to be enjoyed. And by the way, that enjoyment doesn’t stop at the honeymoon. 

You remember that Johnny Cash song, “Jackson”? “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout, we’ve been talking about Jackson, ever since the fire went out.” Can I just say definitively—it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to stop enjoying intimacy after the honeymoon!

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Write this down as #4.

4. Sexual intimacy is a responsible thing (1 Cor 7:1–5, 9)

It’s a responsible thing to get married and have sex regularly, because the Bible says that it’s better for a person “to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9). 

1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Sexual intimacy is a responsible thing in marriage, because the Bible says it’s better to have sex regularly as a couple, than to give Satan a foothold through lack of self-control.

You might say, “Well what do you mean by ‘regularly,’ Pastor Tony?” Well there’s no way for me to answer that question without getting myself into trouble…. But I’ll risk it. 

Listen, once a month is too infrequent. I would even say once every other week is too infrequent, especially for young couples. Don’t give Satan a foothold! Greater frequency and greater regularity prevents the devil from having a foothold. Martin Luther said the following… Let me paraphrase: “Twice a week and 104 times a year, should give neither husband nor wife cause to fear.”

“Do not deprive one another… so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” I believe personally that adultery and divorce would be much less prevalent than it is if couples took care of each other sexually. I believe that pornography among married folk would be less prevalent if couples took care of each other sexually. That doesn’t absolve a person of their sin, if they are addicted to sin. And there are certainly instances where unfaithfulness and pornography have been the cause of sexual dysfunction in a marriage. 

But still, I think we need more wholehearted obedience to 1 Corinthians 7:1–5. And hopefully that’s not just dutiful obedience to Scriptures. Are there times when you as a wife or as a husband need to be a dutiful, faithful, evangelical Christian? Yes. But that shouldn’t be all the time. 

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Write this down as #5.

5. Sexual intimacy is an exclusive thing (1 Thes 4:3–8; Heb 13:4)

C.S. Lewis said once, “The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union.”

Sexual intimacy is also an exclusive thing. It’s unwise for you to burn with passion if you have the option to marry. But it’s sinful and it’s destructive to fulfill your sexual urges through anything other than a monogamous, heterosexual, marital relationship. 

“Does the Bible have anything to say about that, Tony?” The NT clearly prohibits sex outside of marriage: Romans 13, 1 Corinthians 5, 1 Corinthians 6, Galatians 5, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Thessalonians 4, Hebrews 13, etc. Additionally Jesus said out of the heart proceed the evils of man (Matt 15:19). And what’s one of the things Jesus mentions? Sexual immorality! 

In Galatians 5:13–23, Paul gives a list of the fruits of the flesh right after he gives a list of the fruits of the Spirit. And I don’t think it’s an accident that Paul mentions first in his list of fleshly attributes the following: “sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality” (Gal 5:19).

The author of Hebrews says, 

Hebrews 13:4 – Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

I quote that passage often at weddings that I officiate. But do I quote that for the benefit of the bride and groom? Yes, but quite honestly, they’re not listening. They’re so enamored with each other during the wedding, they’re not listening to anything I’m saying. I could be reciting the Declaration of Independence, and they wouldn’t know the difference. I recite Hebrews 13:4 more for the benefit of the audience at that wedding ceremony.

Hebrews 13:4 – Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

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Now before we’re done, I want to show you these five things in action in Song of Solomon 7. And along the way I want to exhort you as a congregation, those of you who are married, to be a little more romantic (i.e. amorous and passionate) in your relationship with your spouse. 

You might say, “Be careful now, Pastor Tony. You’re walking out on thin ice with this.” I know I am. Pray for me to not get too carried away with this. But I want to show you what the Bible says about sexual intimacy in the context of marriage.

  Watch this in verse 1. 

1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! 

Now let me point out a few things here. First of all this poem is a conversation between a man and his wife. How do I know that? Because they got married in Chapter 3, and they’ve already had their honeymoon. 

So what time of life is this describing right here? Well it’s impossible to be precise, but I’ll say somewhere between their honeymoon and the grave! This is a picture, this is an ideal of what sex in marriage should look like… between the honeymoon and the grave. Johnny Cash was wrong when he sang, “we got married in a fever and ever since then the fire went out.” It shouldn’t go out. Don’t let it go out.

And secondly, men, notice this. Notice the man is talking in verse 1. And he talks about his wife for six verses, and he doesn’t lay a hand on her. He doesn’t even intimate sexuality until verse 6. He just complements his wife from her feet all the way to her head.

1 How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! 

Your rounded thighs are like jewels, 

Now that’s not the kind of thing you say on a first date. By the way, roundness was more of a virtue in Hebrew culture than it is in our American culture. I heard a pastor say once about this verse that most of us men should avoid the adjective “rounded” altogether when we’re talking about our wives. That’s wise advice. Probably a better translation here is “curved.” 

Your [curved] thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. 

Did you catch that reference to God right there? The master worker! Didn’t I tell you sex is a divine gift from God? Here’s a great thing to say to your wife, “God has made you beautiful. You are the work of a master hand.” 

Incidentally there was a lot of debate when the OT was being canonized as to whether or not Song of Solomon should be included as part of the canon of Scripture. And one of the arguments against its inclusion was that there was no direct reference to God or to his Hebrew covenant name, Yahweh. But when you look a little closer you realize that God is there all throughout as the unmoved Mover, as the uncreated Creator of man, woman, and sexuality. 

Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. 

2 Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. 

Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. 

Now let me help you with verse two. Men, you can get in a lot of trouble with this verse if you recite it to your wife. The husband is speaking in metaphor here. And what he’s saying to his wife is “Your character is pronounced, and you are a delight to me. My life has been inordinately blessed by you.” 

3 Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. 

In other words, “you are tender and gracious. And I will treat you graciously and tenderly.” These are not the words of a groper. These are the tender words of a lover.

4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. 

There were no ivory towers in Israel. Ivory was too expensive to be used that way. So this fanciful description of his wife speaks of her exquisite beauty and her class and her dignity. 

Your eyes are pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim. 

Notice he’s worked himself right up her body from her feet all the way to her eyes now. And he says your eyes are pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath-rabbim. The pools of Heshbon were a place of rest and relaxation in Israel. This man finds peace and rest and serenity in the eyes of his wife. 

For me there is no more precious moment than to come home and to fix my gaze upon the eyes of my wife. My wife communicates kindness and tenderness and love simply with her eyes. Now she can express anger with those eyes too! But more often than not her eyes are a place of peace. 

Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. 

Now let me help you with that one too. In Israel the tower of Lebanon was focused on Damascus because enemies would always invade from the north, from Damascus. They wouldn’t come from the east, the sea or the south, the wilderness. They’d come from the north and from Damascus. So what he’s saying here is that you as a wife bring security into our marriage. You are a faithful bride. 

Have you told your wives that, men? Have you praised them and extolled them for their faithfulness to you? You should!

5 Your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple; a king is held captive in the tresses. 

6 How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! 

Gary Smalley said once that men are like microwaves and women are like crock-pots. I think that was a very astute observation. It’s not an absolute principle, but generally speaking it’s true. Men are generally speaking ready for sex just about any time and just about anywhere. Women on the other hand typically need time to warm up slowly. The best way to have a great 10:30pm is to start about 5:30pm. Help her with the dishes. Help her put the kids down. And here’s some counsel from the Song of Solomon, you slowly work yourself up to intimacy with words of affirmation and words of admiration. 

I heard a counselor say once that women will complain all the time that on their honeymoon, they’re husbands were slow and conscientious and thoughtful. But then they lost sight of that discipline after a few years of marriage, and they got a little sloppy with the art of romance and intimacy.

But here’s the thing. God has rigged sexuality. God has made it where if you selfishly pursue what you want without any thought for your wife or for her needs, you both are going to end up frustrated. And the same is true of a woman. God’s ideal for sexuality is found when both parties are sacrificially giving of themselves to delight their partner. 

And in many cases that means that a man needs to slow down and take time to woo his wife and love his wife and speak tenderly to his wife. And often times a wife needs to kick it up a notch to enjoy and delight in her husband. 

A lot of men will try to treat sex in marriage like masturbation. Let me just instantaneously gratify myself. It doesn’t work like that. And by the way Hollywood has so perverted this ideal that many of the ideas of sex and marriage that are portrayed in movies are just as farfetched and fictional as the craziest science-fiction movies that come out.   

In many ways it’s the simple difference between love and lust. If you want to get married just to satisfy your lust, do us all a favor and don’t get married. Instead here’s your ideal, Christian. Here’s what God has to say about this. In Song of Solomon, we have a man who is speaking tenderly to his wife. And he is anticipating the benefits of self-sacrificial sex inside of the marriage.

Now after six verses of thoughtfully extolling his wife and her virtues, in verse 7, the man hints at his desire for sexual intimacy:

7 Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. 

8 I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, 9 and your mouth like the best wine.

You might say, “That’s pretty racy, Pastor Tony.” You don’t even know how racy that is. That man is saying essentially, I want to climb on top of and inseminate my wife. There’s no allegorizing that away from its original context. Let me remind you of my first three points:

1) Sexual intimacy is a divine gift 

2) Sexual intimacy is a good gift 

3) Sexual intimacy is intended for pleasure

Now watch what happens in verse 9, the wife is finally going to speak. The husband says: 

your breath [is] like apples 9 and your mouth like the best wine.

And then, she interrupts him in mid-sentence. She says, 

It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. 

10 I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. 

11 Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; 

“Did you know it’s OK to spend the night in a hotel even after you’re married? It’s OK. Hotels aren’t just for your honeymoon.” You can get away. And not just to go to some function involving your kids. Get away and enjoy yourself. 

12 let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. 

This wife says essentially, “Let’s go rediscover our love again. Let’s reenact our wedding night.” This woman is in no way falsely prudish or Victorian in the way that she interacts with her husband. She is passionate and she wants this man. She wants to delight herself with this man.

13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,

Mandrakes are vegetables with roots that are shaped like the body of a man. And mandrakes were thought to have aphrodisiacal powers in the Hebrew world. That’s why Rachel and Leah were fighting over mandrakes and the right to sleep with their husband in the book of Genesis. That was a dysfunctional situation altogether. But that’s not the case in Song of Songs 7. 

13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.

You might ask, “What does that mean? New as well as old?” It means exactly what you think it means. It means that this wife has ways in which she can please her man that only she knows. Sexual intimacy is an exclusive thing, right? There are old ways that she knows, that she has learned over time. But she’s got a few new tricks up her sleeve as well. She’s committed to being a creative, innovative, responsive lover to her husband.

Look at chapter 8, verse 1.

Oh that you were like a brother to me who nursed at my mother’s breasts! If I found you outside, I would kiss you, and none would despise me. 

Now let me just explain that last verse because that might sound to some of you like a creepy rendition of Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. Why would she compare her husband to her brother and want to kiss him? What she’s saying here is that she wishes she could display her affection for her husband in public, but she can’t. She can’t because in Jewish culture “public displays of affection” were frowned upon. Those were the actions of a prostitute. 

Even today if you go to Israel, if you try to hold your wife’s hand, you’ve got to be careful, because one of the Hasidic Jews might come along and thump you on the head. You don’t do that in that culture. But if it’s your brother, no big deal. You can be affectionate. You can be flamboyant even in your display of affection. This woman wants to be affectionate like that with her husband in public. 

2 I would lead you and bring you into the house of my mother— she who used to teach me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, the juice of my pomegranate. 3 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! 

That’s the position of passion right there. That’s the position of lovemaking. These two are now enjoying the beauty and the serenity of human sexuality as God intended it. 

And what’s her final refrain? What’s the last thing she says after describing all this passionate lovemaking with her husband?

4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Can I paraphrase that for you? Don’t have sex outside of marriage. Don’t awaken love until it’s the proper time. Because the way that God has created sex is beautiful in its proper place. The way that God has ordained sex is wonderful in its proper place. She’s saying, “I have enjoyed the wonder of sexuality as God intended it and I want you to experience that too!” Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Sexual intimacy is a divine gift, it’s a good gift, it’s intended for pleasure, it’s a responsible thing and it’s an exclusive thing. Don’t misuse it. Make sure you enjoy it in its proper context.

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And here’s the thing. When you’ve got a sexual problem in marriage, that’s really painful. It can wreck a marriage in a hurry. And you can’t exactly set up a table at the church that says, “Sexual Problems,” and tell people to meet there after the service. People won’t go there. 

So if this is something that you need help with, we as a church are here to help with counsel, prayer, and resources. We don’t have all the answers, but we can hopefully point you in the right direction. Thankfully there are a lot of good Christian resources out there that we can refer you to. You don’t have to go through that alone. 

If that’s an awkward thing for you to talk about with your pastor, then find someone else in the church. Find another Christian couple. Take your small group leader aside or a care ministry counselor and say, “We need help in this area. Can you help us? Can you pray for us? Can you counsel us?” I don’t want anyone in the congregation to be moving to a place of divorce or irreconcilable marital conflict because of an issue like this. May God help us with this.

Taught by Tony Caffey

Senior Pastor of Verse By Verse Fellowship

Marriage & Our Maker